At least once a week I think about my decision to join Peace Corps and become an English teacher. If I was being really honest, sometimes daily. On the service side of things, I think about that fact that I'm missing my sister's last 2 years of high school, including prom and softball games. I'm not doing activities that I loved and made me feel like me, rowing for one. I'm missing a whole bunch of things, with a whole bunch of people I love, who live thousands of miles away. I have doubts about the one thing I was so sure, so excited and worked so hard to get accepted into. I talked about Peace Corps non-stop before my departure with anyone who would listen. So why am I having this internal struggle...I got exactly what I wanted. With regards to my career, I'm a first time teacher. No teaching degree, no experience, working in three (count them... THREE) elementary schools. I organize, I plan, I make, I teach first through sixth grade and its hard, so hard for me. I struggle. I get tired. Sometimes I get lazy and just don't want to plan. Most time I don't even know if I'm enjoying what I'm doing, is teaching for me? Lots of time the answer is no.
Then little, tiny, quick as lightening moments happen with students and it completely turns me around again.
The most recent quick as lightning moment happened at Escuela El Carmen. I ride my bike to the school, about 20 minutes outside of my town. It is the poorest of the three schools I teach at. The schools is set up much the same as the others- two classrooms, bathrooms and a kitchen. There are enough desks and chairs for students but all other resources are scarce. I have to say, out of all three schools, I enjoy myself most at El Carmen. It is the best fit for me and I can't put my finger on why, it just worked out that way.
This past Thursday I was giving a lesson, my second to last for the day. I was giving the second graders a lesson on weather in English. (Sunny, Cloudy, Rainy) To have a little fun with learning I decided to make a weather dice. I gave each student a piece of paper that had an outline of 6 connected boxes, some of which had white tabs. Inside each box was a picture of one of the types of weather. Students colored the pictures, then cut out the connected boxes, folded and then glued the tabs in order to make the weather dice. Once finished gluing, the students tossed the dice and repeated the English word that corresponded with the picture face up.
During the gluing and cutting part of class, one of my students came to show me his dice. I said my usual praise of "what a good job! I love the colors you used, so creative!" before he turned to sit back at his desk he passed me one of the scraps of paper used to make the dice. As I was opening the paper another student came to show me their work as well. Daniel jumped in front of the other student and said "no, this paper is only for you." So I waited to open it. When all of the students where at their desks playing I opened my secret note from Daniel. It read, "Te quiero mucho," with hearts and a picture of a girl (which I assume is me). It was short, done on an impulse with scrap paper, but it made my day. No one told him to write a note, he just decide to draw a quick picture and say something nice. I'm sure he doesn't know I'm blogging about his small gesture or that he made me happy and impacted the how I was feeling about teaching at that moment. To be honest Daniel made me feel reassured of my decision to join, happy with being a teacher and that I was wanted. All of those feelings from this little boy who decided I was a nice enough person to receive a "te quiero mucho" note.
Up until yesterday I was not happy with teaching. I'm not sure why that particular gesture changed my perspective, but it did. Since I began teaching students have given me positive comments that made me feel good, but didn't change the fact that I wasn't enjoying what I was doing. I don't expect to be fully in love with the job everyday (its a tough job). I don't know if teaching is my longterm path, but for now I fully enjoy visiting El Carmen and am so happy with being a teacher at that school.
Thank you Daniel for getting me out of my funk, doing something kind for someone else, and being the cutest darn second grader I know.
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